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Information on Anger Management for Teens & Conflict Resolution

from Anger Management for Teens

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/mr-ac.html

How does conflict resolution work?
Most conflict resolution programs follow a series of steps that include:

1.     Setting ground rules. Agree to work together and set rules such as no name-calling, blaming, yelling or interrupting.

2.     Listening. Let each person describe their point of view without interruption. The point is to understand what a person wants and why they want it.

3.     Finding common interests. Establish facts and issues that everyone can agree on and determine what is important to each person.

4.     Brainstorming possible solutions to the problem. List all options without judging them or feeling that they must be carried out. Try to think of solutions where everyone gains something.

5.     Discussing each person’s view of the proposed solutions. Negotiate and try to reach a compromise that is acceptable to everyone involved.

6.     Reaching an agreement. Each person should state his or her interpretation of the agreement. Try writing the agreement down and checking back at a later time to see how it is working.

What you can do?
Learn ways to resolve conflicts peacefully and encourage your friends to do the same. Find out about conflict resolution programs in your school or community. In addition:

·        Figure out what methods work for you to control your anger

·        Talk to an adult you trust if you feel intensely angry, fearful or anxious.

·        Do not carry weapons or associate with people who do. Weapons escalate conflicts and increase the chances of serious harm.

·        Avoid or be cautious in places or situations where conflicts tend to arise, such as crowded hallways, bathrooms, or unsupervised places in a school.

·        Reject taunts for a fight and find a compromise to a dispute rather than resorting to violence.

·        Decide on your options for handling a problem when conflict arises, such as talking the problem out calmly, staying away from certain people, or getting others involved to settle a dispute, such as a teacher, peer mediator, or counselor.

·        Understand that retaliation (getting back at someone in a violent way) is not an effective way to respond to teasing, insults, rough play, and offensive touching (pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, kicking or hitting).

What are some ways to deal with anger?
Some people choose to ignore or bottle up anger, but this approach may actually cause more harm because the root problem is never addressed. Instead, try to manage anger so it can become a more positive emotion.

Here are some ideas:

==> Relax. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm (your belly, not your chest) and slowly repeat a calming word or phrase like "take it easy." Think of relaxing experiences, such as sitting on a beach or walking through a forest.

==> Think positively. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, but rather you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life.

==> Problem-solve. Identify the specific problem that is causing the anger and approach it head-on, even if the problem does not have a quick solution.

==> Communicate with others. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions. Slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. At times, criticism may actually be useful to you.

==> Manage stress. Make sure to set aside personal time to deal with the daily stresses of school, activities, and family. Ideas include:

Listening to music, Writing in a journal, Exercising, Meditating or Talking about your feelings with someone you trust.

==> Change the scene. Maybe a change of environment would help reduce angry feelings. For example, if your friends are angry frequently and/or make you angry, consider making some new ones who may contribute more to your self-confidence and well-being.

In every situation, everyone sees things differently and wants to do things their way. And it's normal for people to believe they are right, which leads to disagreements. Problems are never fun — but they can help you to have a good discussion and you can work things out. Clearing the air will help you learn more about your friends, your family...even yourself. Solving problems in the right way also can help you get through them quickly and easily, and stop them from getting out of control, or even violent. If sparks do start to fly, you have the power to put out the fire. The next time you have an issue on your hands, don't explode or let someone walk all over you.

Some kids deal with problems or situations by avoiding them. They might always give in to other people, or just pretend the problems aren't there. Others confront problems head on and try to make other people see it their way or do what they want. The best way to work through problems is by understanding how the other person feels. What's your style? Are you totally cool or hot headed?

The good news is that your style isn't set in stone — you can exchange it for one that works better! The same thing doesn't work for every situation — so try something new if your old way isn't cutting it. Everyone — can learn how to deal better with situations, people, or things that make them mad. Realize that anger is a reaction and that your reaction to a situation determines the outcome. In other words, you can choose how you respond to things that upset you. How you look at a situation can determine whether you become angry or not. By recognizing the chain of reactions that builds up to anger, you can break the cycle and keep your cool, even in the hottest situations.

Lots of times, problems start when someone doesn't understand where another person is coming from. (Remember the last time someone got mad at you for what seemed like no reason?) So, if you're confused about why someone is acting a weird or mean, find out why. Talk, e-mail, IM, send a text message! When they tell you, listen, really listen. And if someone tries to make you mad on purpose, just ignore them or ask them why. No one controls your feelings but you!

1. Take some deep breaths and concentrate on relaxing your body with each breath.
2. Count to 10 slowly.
3. Think before you react — what are consequences of your actions?
4. Keep your voice "low and slow."
5. Leave the scene. Remove yourself from the situation — leave the room for a minute or take a short walk.

Ever notice how quickly people get angry? It seems like people can go from totally happy to totally ticked-off in no time at all. In fact, the feeling of anger is actually a series of reactions that happen in just 1/30th of a second.

The amazing thing about anger is that it's not a basic emotion like, say, happiness. It is actually a secondary emotion and it is supposed to help keep you safe and protect you from danger — the fight or flight response! But if it gets out of hand or if you try to ignore it, it can lead to some serious issues.

Here's how to break the chain:

Stop it at the first spark.
Lots of things can trigger anger, like losing a soccer game, having to deal with your bossy little sister, or your computer crashing when you're in the middle of IM'ing your pals or writing a school paper. The important thing is to figure out what is really making you angry. Is it the same thing every time or do different things bring you to the boiling point? If it is always the same situation, person, or thing, try to avoid it. And if you can't avoid them (cuz' you know your little sister isn't going anywhere), think of different ways you can keep from getting angry. Instead of hurling the computer out the window, think about how you avoid it crashing to begin with, like not having your email and a game going at the same time. If losing the soccer game has got your goat, use your anger as motivation to improve your skills.

Hey, man! What's it all mean?
So, snaps for figuring out how to spot the things you know make you angry. But, your little sister is still driving you nuts. Since she's staying put, you've got to figure out a way to handle your anger that won't make things worse. This brings us to the second link in the chain. To avoid it, all you need to do is try to look at things from her point of view — you're older and she wants to hang with you because she thinks you're cool. With that in mind, it's easier to keep your cool. Spend some time just with her so that she won't need to stalk you when all your friends are over. You might even find out that she's not half bad. By changing the way you deal with her and understanding her point of view, you can break the anger chain before you even notice you're mad!

Blood's a boilin'
Well, ok, but your still furious. You've tried to change your reactions to the things that you know make you crazy, you're busy looking at everything from everyone else's point of view, but you can still feel your temperature is rising. Well, that's you're body responding to your feelings. You get hot and your muscles might start to tighten and you start breathing harder. Don't let it get the best of you — there are things you can do to stay in control. Take some deep breaths, focus on relaxing your muscles, and s-l-o-w down!

Talkin' to yourself?
The next link in the chain comes when you catch yourself thinking or saying something in reaction to what's happening to make you mad. We've all done it — we think things like "He's so stupid" or say to a friend "You're always so mean!" before we can stop ourselves. If you catch yourself doing this, take a minute to think. Try to remember that your dealing with a person who may not know how you feel. Stay calm. Lashing back won't get you anywhere. So try to talk to your friend, let him know he hurt your feelings, and then try to move on.

What you've got to do with it.
The way you feel in a situation depends on your background — you may be used to people keeping their feelings in and not talking about them, or you may be used to people exploding and yelling when they are angry. Neither of these reactions is necessarily good. People who bottle up their feelings can end up exploding later, or become depressed. People who vent and yell just tend to keep the anger cycle in motion. The trick is to deal with your anger so that you can learn how to not get riled up in the first place. Try these suggestions to help you stay calm, cool, and collected.

·         Go for a walk

·         Write down your feelings on a piece of paper, then tear it up and throw it away

·         Face the mirror and practice talking to the person that you are mad at